totally what

2011-07-07T23:41:00.002+08:00

期待越高，失望越大。想出这句话的人，我真的要好好称赞你。你的话真的没说错。

己所不欲，勿施于人。我明白其中的意思，更明白其中的道理。但在现实生活里，我却做不到。

真的，同样的事情，我做错了，会想要人原谅。可是，当同样的事发生在我身上时，我却没有向他人原谅我那样去原谅别人。明知道不对，可是事情发生了之后，我总是不知所措，等着人原谅。我无法想象如果有一天，我不再被人原谅的时候，我是要怎么办？

我也很自私。我一直以为我是一个很好，很靠得住的朋友。可是，原来，我什么都不是。我的约定，我的承诺没有兑现。明知道这样不对，可是套一句俗语：江山易改，本性难移。

算了。

2011-07-02T00:52:00.002+08:00

好久没写东西了，可能因为没写东西的习惯吧。不习惯的事，是不会常做的。

习惯的开始是做一件事。常常做，做久了，它就变成了一个习惯。而习惯，也会慢慢的变成一种自然。自然是一种反射动作，不用大脑想就会做的事。

好的习惯，坏的习惯，是培养出来的。一旦变成了习惯，是想戒也戒不了的。这是我个人的想法，可能因为我的意志不够坚定吧。

好累了，太习惯这个时候去睡了。晚安。

2009-12-03T14:08:00.002+08:00

i cant stop myself from typing this out! i need to SCREAM SHOUT CRY! but i cant do so now cause i have to get down to studying. it's sth that i did this morning that drove me crazy. seriously.

this year has been really interesting. crap. esp when it comes to exam.

last sem, i filled up my matriculation no. wrongly. i was panicking like crazy. it was on computerised mark sheet, that's why i was panicking. plus that mod got only 30% CA. without the final paper, im as good as goner. thank god, nth happened. i still managed to pass that mod miracuously. i thought what could be worse.

this sem, TODAY, THIS MORNING, for my stats paper, everything went well. just that the last part was tough so i couldnt finish it. at the end of the paper, my friend came to talk to me.

SHE: "so which qn did you do?"
ME: "arent we supposed to do the whole paper meh?"
SHE: "no. out of 4 choose 2 only mah. you forgot the format meh?"
ME: "OH F. SHIT SHIT SHIT. DAMN. HOW?"
SHE: "eh..."

oh man. i thought i was gone.. i approached the prof, thinking he will probably scold me or ignore me [afterall there were written instructions that i didnt bother to read.]. i approached him.

ME: [calling as softly as possible] "Prof.. Prof.."
PROF ignored.
ME: [poked on his shoulder] "Prof.. Prof.."
PROF: "oh. oh yes?"
ME: "sorry Prof. i made a mistake in the last section of the paper. i did all 4 qns."
PROF: "oh is it? then i will mark the first two."
ME showed a sad face. like this :'( [cause i didnt do 12 marks worth for 2nd qn. if he takes it... im dead.]
PROF: "okay, you send me an email later."
Me: [bright tone] OKAY!

OMG. tell me now, what can be worse?
oh got. cant wake up for exam. shit this must not happen.

i took almost 30 mins to draft that email to send him. it nearly killed. and THANK GOODNESS he said okay!

now, who says my uni life is boring? the interesting part is only during the exam period. the stupid thing that i did.

history repeats itself, once again.

i shld stop giving myself any more heart attack. my blood pressure is shooting sky high.

2009-10-12T20:01:00.004+08:00

一切终于结束了。
在细雨里，一切结束了。
也许他知道我们在为了他忙，所以雨在一切结束之后才下。

没想到，才一天的时间，一切都结束了。

心里也替他高兴，因为他应该走得很快，一点痛都没有吧。
也高兴我终于见了他最后一面。
我能做的都做了。

没有什么可以遗憾了。

2009-10-11T16:09:00.010+08:00

我从来不知道怎么说，怎么表达。

今天没有下雨，但是就象下雨天一样。悲伤。

太多的来不及，太多的遗憾，太多的后悔。

为什么昨天没有打电话，没有买晚餐。

为什么没有停下来听他说话。

为什么他什么都没说就离开。

为什么老天听到了我的愿望，还是这么快就让他离开。

为什么他天天都打电话来叫我买早餐，今天他却没有。

其实我再不愿意，再埋怨，我还是会听他的话去做。他再烦我，我还是会帮他的。他再麻烦，我还是会尽力去做，去完成他的要求。

就偏偏他今天不打电话来，如果……如果他打来了，也许结果就不一样了。

只是来得太突然了，也许连他自己也没料到自己这样就走了。我气他，没有说“再见”就离开。但大家都很开心他终于离开，因为长痛不如短痛，应该是是这个意思吧。他的离开至少对他来说是一种解脱。

世上最公平的是生死，最不公平的也是生死。

世上的事永远都说不准，今天不知道明天的事，明天不知道后天的事。

我问了多少“为什么，早知道”，可是现在我永远不会知道。因为已经没有机会了。

虽然老套，但是还是要说。不要等到了失去了才后悔，才知道当初应该珍惜。希望大家不要有让自己后悔的一刻。

我会怀念你的，我唯一的舅舅。

2009-09-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

today is the most unproductive day in some way. argh. i hate the start of this week. and probably will hate the end of this week. it's such a painful week so far. no matter how much i hate the sem, somehow the idea of it coming to an end seems too fast and so little time for everything.

why people always think that others are damn free? why start the idea of doing ppt for everything?

tell me why. tell me why, why people are so damn difficult to make others' lives so difficult?

sigh.

2009-09-20T22:09:00.004+08:00

long weekend. :) i love the fact that public holiday falls on a Sunday. how wonderful can life be? :)
okay maybe the unexpected thing was i didnt know libraries are closed on public holidays. sigh. wasted my effort for bringing the book down. hoping to renew it. :( of course i didnt get to.

finally quiz is over. omg. it's just a DAMN quiz. to think that i actually put in so much effort. and it takes up i think 15%? oh man. i dont know why im complaining now, cause it's already over. haha. im nuts.

oh well. actually im here to show off my cooking skills. i just thought it would be an interesting thing to add in my super boring life now. oh well?
i was trying to make pancake last night. yes, night. although pancakes are mostly meant for breakfast, i just had the craving for it last night. since the cooking genes are not found in any of my gene loci, so i used the pancake pre-mix. haha. the instructions were very simple. i got no problems following. :)
if all goes well, it should look like this. :

and of course, mine didnt look like anything near that. sad to say, it looked like this. :

although it totally lost all its point on presentation, maybe the taste wont be that bad. so i tried to eat it. anyway it's supposed to be pandan flavoured. so i supposed it's not bad if i eat it plain.

so.. so... so...

my family, being very encouraging, took a bite each.. and it all went down the bin. haha. seriously, im not cut out to be a chef. i better stick to my pipettes and test tubes. haha.

long weekend is coming to an end. come come, bring my recess week to me. :))

2009-08-16T23:49:00.004+08:00

im here trying to find out what tutorial has to be done for tmr, and realize im in deep deep deep trouble this sem.

presentation, presentation, presentation.

damn. it's the worst part.
no. 1, i hate delivering presentation cause i always get tongue-tied.
no. 2, i'm very scared of group work. cause i'm running out of brain juice and probably i'll be sitting down in one corner trying to help but to realize that i'm more of a hindrance (oh well, i do realize it now).
no. 3, 'cause i'm running out of brain juice, i can't use the remaining to memorize scripts. my brain will probably stop functioning immediately after that.
no. 4, more meetings and meetings and meetings. it's okay if it's productive. if it's not, oh man, can you imagine how much time will be wasted?
no. 5, i just hate projects and presentation.
no. 6, i'm not comfortable working with strangers. okay, so is everyone else i guess.

i thought pw was enough. honestly, i had enough of pbl and pw. i was still having some hope that maybe if i try harder this sem, i might pull up my gpa a little. yeah i'm being pessimistic here, but where's my hope now?

okay. oh well, i'm exaggerating here. maybe things will turn out fine? since i have no absolute idea which group i will end up with. it's a new start. i just cross my fingers and toes that everything will go as smoothly as i hope. and also, time to make new friends. sigh.

okay enough of complaint.

damn seriously i understand why there's LONG breaks in between lessons. and why some pple didnt bother to take electives this sem.

so much for anticipating to be year 2.

2009-07-09T01:33:00.002+08:00

i finally finished the show, 1 liter of tears. it's really a very touching and inspiring show. people like us, who are always so healthy, never wonder why we can walk, talk or eat. to us, it's what we have been doing everyday and will continue to do in the future. after watching the show, i'm really very glad that im still healthy. cause to some of them, to do these simple actions are like mission impossible. im so glad that my family and i are alive and kicking. nothing beats to be healthy.

although it's just a show, it's based on a true story about this girl called aya kito. actually this show was aired years ago, but i never had the time to watch it. now im glad i finally did. cause it's a really good show. it's that kind of show that i still can rmb years later cause it makes a impact in my mind. i admired her and her family. i guess the pain that her family had gone through was definitely not any less than what she had to go through.. it's a tragedy for her and the family to know that it's a progressive disease, and when her body could no longer move, her mind was still as clear as before. not everyone can face up to such a illness. an active mind locked in a unmovable body. honestly, i can't imagine how to deal such ordeal in real life. i had taken many things for granted. if i had the disease, i won't have that much courage to face life itself like how she did. things like walking, writing or even talking. how much energy does it take to just tell someone thank you/ sorry?

it's really called one liter of tears for a good reason. she cried one liter of tears when she knew she had the disease and i cried almost one liter of tear for this entire show. so better prepare a box of tissue before watching.

i guess im going to buy her book from kino. i guess it's a book worth keeping.

laugh too much.

2009-05-26T00:14:00.001+08:00

took dinner off. cause it’s my dad’s bday. just want to be home on such day. anyway he just came back and went to sleep already. haha. oh well, i just want to be home. it’s been a long time since i last tasted my mum’s cooking. considering for the past few months when my grandparents were here, she didnt have the chance to cook. or rather her territory was invaded by my grandfather. haha.

anyway just read a news. a girl got a very weird disease that she has to laugh for at least 2 hours. and the longest she can laugh is up to 7 hours. it’s not that she’s mentally retard or sth. it’s cause she had problem with her neurones or along this line. to think that pple always take it as it’s a good thing to be positive and smile, laugh or whatsoever. in her case, whenever she’s laughing, her mum will cry even harder. what a irony. to her, she’s really laughing way too much.

it says i want to be alone, but i’ll alienate the ppl who cares. and also, i will continue to have constant conflict with making decisions. well, how true. but isn’t that what i have been doing for the past few years? now i just recall the movie, 17 again!!! zac efron! haha. but for me, i’ll never ever choose to live 17 again. some things, such as a’s, are things that i shd totally get it over and done with. although i do miss things like having pe, syf or being in band, the idea of going through a’s again, no thanks. one time is more than enough. too much of work to get over with it. i think im still too intimidated by the papers.

jian jian. we finally chatted already! seriously i miss chatting with you! faster come back la!

i lay my hands on…

2009-05-25T00:51:00.001+08:00

while waiting for my hair to dry, i decide that this blog shd have some new post or sth.

paid off my sleeping debt last night. i can’t seem to get enough of it. how i wish i sleep and no need to wake up for 3 days 3 nights. best will be a week. or even a year. afterall this year isn’t a very good year. maybe it’s just the first part of the year. will things get better? i wonder.

work had been … busy? tiring? no, HOT! yes, the weather had been so hot these days. and the sunset makes it worse. times like this i wish that the sun never rise. at least there’s no end of the day and start of a new day. so the sun will never get a chance to set. the glaring sun. too much for my eyes to take it. now i wonder when’s the next moon. cause i cant even rmb when was the last time i saw a full moon. this is random but i just suddenly thought of it. the full moon is so hard to spot. cause i rarely look up to the sky. okay i don’t know what i’m typing already. i’m lost in my own thoughts. oh yes, work. oh well, it’s tiring+ busy+ hot+ aches-on-the-legs+ lack-of-sleep+ need-of-caffeine+ need-of-chocolate. so i’m making myself think of the paycheck at the end of the day. yes, it’s my only motivation. come on, come on. may the end of the month faster come. i need to save myself from this mess.

anyway to end my day, i just thought of school, how much i love being a uni student. not that i enjoy my uni life [that’s cause i never participate in any activity at all for the past two sem.], it’s all because i realize everyone love it because there’s no such thing known as holiday homework anymore. i dread the holiday homework the most. cause i always never finish it on time. in the end, i always use the last few days of the holiday to finish it. but i will never finish everything. haha. afterall, i was never known as a good student so it never makes any difference whether i finish it on time or not. although it’s known as holiday homework, i never manage hand it in after the holidays. the subject i can ever dragged longest to hand in is always english homework. it’s always book review and i don’t read as much as i look like i do. if i’m not wrong, either i end up copying or just simply ask someone to sum up the story for me and try to do a book review from there. what a memory. and maths homework is always deceiving. although it’s only five qns, but each qn comes with part (a) to (p). and it’s never ending. but at least i can manage to finish maths. just english is really my weakest. now i wonder how i manage to be exempted from the QET of ntu. maybe they missed out me by mistake. but anyway so much of memories of being a student. i wonder what it would be like to really leave the campus and get ready to go into the jungle/zoo. i dont want to be a rabbit.

oh i wonder how exams results will be like. i wonder does crossing my fingers and toes can help a little at all. wonder wonders.

now i cant wait to get my hands onto the steering wheel, my feet on the accelerator and brake. as for now, i can only let my mind go for a spin. soon, soon i can go for a spin that i really really really have been waiting for eons.

laugh now.

2009-05-13T09:04:00.001+08:00

i can totally laugh at my own absentmindedness. i happily left my keys at workplace. thank goodness ytd i ended early, if not i dont know how to get home. cause everybody sleeps damn early like eight now?!

and i found my matri card. but the pen is still missing. not that the pen has special meaning or sth. just that how come it can go missing. why. my absentmindedness suddenly seem so serious to me. maybe if i make a checklist, i’ll find more things that went missing. i feel like i have a memory of a 70 years old.

OLD.

S-C-R-E-W-E-D

2009-05-12T01:19:00.001+08:00

if i use a word to describe myself now: screwed.

if i use two words to describe myself now: very screwed.

if i use more words to describe myself now: DAMN FREAKING SCREWED.

oh man. im not feeling good. my brain aint working these days. at home and at work. this sucks big time. im losing everything i have. damn. why? im feeling tired. very tired. not that i never work this much before. just that these days im feeling more than just tired alone. physically, and mentally.

sometimes i dont feel like talking. sometimes i just rant on and on. sometimes words are just in my mouth, but they are not verbalize into sounds. sometimes words just come out not the way i meant it. sometimes i just dont have the right person to talk to. sometimes i just got so much to say but dont know where to start from. sometimes i got so little to say that i cant stand the silence. sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.

sometimes today just means bad day.

maybe it’s one of my many moodswing. lack of sleep? maybe. lack of coffee? definitely.

chocolate does help to improve my mood. it worked for a moment until i realize i lost my matri card and a pen i bought ytd. matri card, damn it. of all things i lost, it had to be the stupid matri card. it’s a damn $21.40 to replace that stupid card. yeah im a very stingy person. damn damn damn. i dropped it? dont know. it’s not in my bag, not in the pocket. shit. i really cant rmb! i cant even rmb what i wore on mon! shorts, jeans? shit.

back to chocolate, yeah chocolate. true that chocolate really can secrete happy hormones. i need happy hormones. im not happy now. maybe i eat more chocolate my brain will function correctly and i will find my matri card. and where’s the pen i bought ytd too?

where are you. where.

F for FREEDOM

2009-05-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

finally it’s the end of the exams, and the start of the holidays. GREAT!

somehow, during the exams period, i had so many things that i want to say. but now that exams had ended, i cant rmb what’s on my mind all the while. maybe im just too lazy. or maybe i dont know how to phrase my thoughts. hmm, we shall see.

anyway, to mark the end of exams and the start of the holidays, we(=huimin, sumo, me) went to shokudo to indulge in food! haha.

nice food! we felt full but still had dessert! we were too full and forgot all abt taking pictures for the dessert. oh well. i like the waffle there! haha.

then went back to work on 30. since it wasnt friday the 13, i thought that day would be the worst day of the month. and thank goodness, it was the last day of the month too. if not, i cant imagine what can be worse. why it was it the worst day? considering i did settlements wrongly, kept ordering things that were sold out, having customers that were too annoying to describe, hmm i think that’s all. isnt it bad enough? but i still survived the day.

went shopping with yinghui. the right person i shd go. cause we ended up buying something somehow.

oh yes, something abt the swine flu. it’s all because of the swine flu, i ended up staying at home instead of going swimming. yh didnt feel very comfortable to go swimming at the point of time, and the fact that i have no accompany makes me a bit sian to go down. yeah i ended up sleeping in and woke up at 11 this morning. i havent been sleeping so much these days. with school starting as early as 8:30, i always have to wake up at 6:30. and exams period i can just go with 3 hours of sleep. call me iron woman.

but now with the exams’s over, im still not sleeping early. maybe it’s just a habit. cant help it sometimes.

oh well, the debt will have to be paid soon. soon, really soon.

same same. but different.

2009-04-23T22:37:00.001+08:00

5 down. just one more to go! yeah~ celebrate. haha. im so looking forward to the celebration after exams. haha. going shokudo with huimin and sumo. more photos will be uploaded. haha. anyway the no. 1 lesson i have learnt from this exam is listen and read the instructions. i used to think it's always the same old crap that the invigilators repeat and repeat in every paper. same goes the instruction. so i nv bother to read or listen. cause im more concerned with what's in the paper and my answer. so i had to learn thing the hard way. how? by filling in my matriculation no wrongly. that's because i nv read the instructions at all. but of course i think everything is solved by now.

my goodness, i thought i was going to totally flunk the paper without my mcq marks. haha.

so in conclusion, there's definitely a reason for the invigilators to repeat what was once considered crap to me. haha. learn this the hard way and you're rmb for life.

this exam is not easy. the last paper is all structured qns. krebs cycle, glycolysis, glycogenesis, urea cycle. oh goodness, why must there be so many cycles going on in our human body in every second, minutes and hour. i cant believe it. we are too complex. sometimes things cant be made simpler, cause homo sapiens are too complex, physically and mentally. it's in the body, it's in the genes.

anyway we are all same same, but different. why why why? so how? hmm.. maybe things can work out fine? i guess?

if only we can turn back time.. haha i want to watch 17 again!! haha.

exam question?

2009-04-15T22:34:00.001+08:00

seriously, i think examiners do get bored setting papers sometimes.

so i found this qn in the past year papers. think it’s out of their boredom that they decide to set such an ans. haha.

“Knock-out” mouse

(A) is a boxing champion

(B) is unconscious most of the time

(D) is genetically deficient in a specific gene as a result of homologous recombination

HAHA! wth. anyone who nv read the note before will know that (A) can nv be the ans please! [key point: it’s pretty obvious this is from a bio paper.] haha. that’s how my examiners show off their humour! HAHA.

i was telling shihhan, thank goodness miss ng is not marking my paper. if not, i wont be typing all these. i’ll be digging my own grave now. haha.

im hoping some miracle can happen. how can i go on this like for the remaining years?

and after tmr, i finally see a break! and looking forward to sat! rain rain go away! haha.

THANKS!

2009-04-13T09:58:00.000+08:00

OMG! thanks jess! though i know you probably wont see this until you're back from taiwan, well, THANK YOU! i finally watched the video you gave me!! it's been on my cd rack for ages. i totally forgot abt it until today! lol. thank you very much! haha.

2009-04-10T17:21:00.004+08:00

haha. today once again i was mistaken as a maid. twice!

first, when my family and i were out for breakfast this morning, a maid (authentic one) looked at me. from her eyes, it seems to say, "hey, that's my 同胞。" damn then i looked away. haha.

then, when we were walking to the market, one auntie was telling my grandma how very lucky she was to have a maid. HAHA. do maids nowadays can speak chinese and hokkien?

well, it's just for laugh. afterall, that's to keep up with my blog add.

HAHAHAHA.

2009-04-09T21:02:00.003+08:00

im here to kill mushrooms. haha.

anyway need a break from studying. totally didnt feel like myself these days. no more sleeping in, more coffee and buried myself in books. not that it's sth i would do in the past. nvm 3 more weeks and holiday! here i come~

hmm what's there to say?

oh my grandparents came to my hse to stay. i dont know why i actually feel good talking to them. i always have this impression that i cant stand talking to old pple cause i got no patience. but maybe, that was just in the past. afterall, they want to find someone to chat. so all i do at home now is to chat with them. of course it's with my very broken hokkien. it's been quite some time since i spoke a full sentence in hokkien. i can understand but cant speak. but right now, im using hokkien almost everyday at home. haha.

it feels good to have them here. at least when i go home, at least someone is at home. it feels more like home, not house. (:

and at times i accompany my grandmother to the market or anywhere else, i'll be next to her. so i'll ask her i look like a maid right. cause of my super unkempt hair and dark skintone. HAHAHAH. she finds it really amusing. oh well, i do too. HAHAHAHA.
and i do get lunch and dinner everyday at home! haha. i used to be a maggie kid. [maggie= maggie mee...] now i get home-cooked food everyday. oh my, it's been quite some time since i last ate maggie mee. nobody bothered to buy some back. haha.

oh well, enough of grandparents. haha. oh and crescent got gold for syf! haha. it's great! it's been 3 years already. since graduation from crescent. not exactly very long ago, not very short either. and this makes me think that age is finally catching up with me. damn. staying up in the night these days is going to kill me soon. but too bad, a person only has 24 hrs. and i cant ask for more.

too little time, too many things to do. this sucks.

but shall chiong as hard as i can. cause i dont to be 3rd class. haha.

everytime i blog, it's a long entry. and the things in each paragraph has no link to the previous one. it disturbs me quite a bit. probably you can tell that my thoughts just fly everywhere and dont make sense. no doubt why i always fail eng and gp. with my standard, i wonder how im going to survive. i mean with my thoughts come and go like that. totally incoherent and unfocused. where's my future? damn.

haha. but this is me. cant help it but can only accept it.

anyway my mum is a O blood and my father is a B blood. no doubt i feel like im a intermediate B blood type. haha. so when im late, forgive me! it's in the blood! and genes! HAHA.

bye! shall go hug the mug now. hehe.

2009-03-15T20:56:00.006+08:00

as my beloved friend says that my 部落格 is rotting, so here i am.

when i got sth to type, my com is not with me or not working. ):

when i got my com with me, i really cant rmb what i want to type. that's how brain works, huh?

oh well. got interesting pics though.

this is from a email my friend sent to me. it's based on blood type. hmm. for me, i think it's rather true for these two pics. haha. guess what's my blood type then? HAHA.

oh oh. what's new these day.

economic recession. heavy topic to talk abt. but then, pls. i hope it can rain money. these days my desire to shop just increase exponentially, which is bad in times like this. cause i got no money. but my desire is like WOAH!!! SAD. haha. but life goes on, right? someone must hide my money!

oh well, oh sth interesting to mention.

lab work had been horrible these days. seriously. we were supposed to discuss abt the expt and its possible errors. but we all thought our whole expt is a BIG ERROR itself. what's there more to discuss, i wonder.

there was even one occasion we dug the trash bin. HAHA. it's pathetic. cause i nv imagine us doing that. haha. but overall, we were not angry but more of amused. how many pple get to havce such interesting lab sessions? it's part and pacrel of sch life. sth that's going to come to an end soon.

it seems like time pass really fast. at the same time last year, i was still in holidays. at the same time this year, im looking at lab report. reading reference, studying. and the remaining 3 years will just fly past like that. haha. somehow, i dont want sch to end so quickly. [though im hoping exams can end like right now! haha.]

it's really easy to tell someone's mood from the way they reply. i guess for everyone it's the case. unless you're really a hypocrite.

even a full stop can show it.

how true.

がんばって！(:

2009-02-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

and happy belated birthday lingfang!! (:

2009-02-12T21:49:00.006+08:00

seriously it sucks when laptop isnt working. dont ask why, it's been getting onto my nerve since last week.

this time round, it's my phone. can electronics be made to last for at least 20 years, so at least pple like me can make sure it's used for 5 years before i need to replace them.

sad life.

oh well. how have things been like?

laughing a lot more. ((:

thanks a lot to sumitha and huimin. most of it it's sumitha's effort. she never fail to make me laugh all the time. HAHA.
IF YOU SEE YOUR NAME HERE, DONT DOUBT IT! HAHA.
school may be boring etc, but then lab has always been fun. somehow.
it's great to know someone like sumitha. maybe cause i have a bad humour (yes, i know. dont remind me.) and a mouth that doesnt select the kind of words i use, and she (at least so far) has a good temper. she never gets mad at me. at least, yet. it feels great to laugh to whole day like that.
and also huimin, who always so sensible but yet, she can be really funny too. thanks to bio science, if not i think i'll never get to know them.

so times like now, i realised i had small social circle. but friends in this circle are the lasting ones.

finally went back for band. yes, band again. to me, it's the only time i keep in touch with something i like. back to the same old place to see those same old familiar faces, but yet a different feeling. feeling old, and lousy. it's been a long time since i played. the familiar feeling isnt there anymore. i dont know why. to me, that place was always my comfort zone. i refused to step out and see the world. now im out, i realized i can never go back in again. it felt like i dont belong anymore.
not feeling sad or emo, just pity.
pity that passion was long gone.
pity that i didnt continue with what i like and headed in a direction opposite of my wishes.
pity that i cant turn back anymore. cant turn back to a place i abandoned.

to be back in crescent, it looked so different. the feeling and the campus. used to go to school in the early morning even before dawn, trying making it on time. now only goes back in the evening when the sun sets, with no intention to rush. and leaves in the night when i get to see the stars in the sky. im back again, putting myself in the memories.

oh well, tmr's Valentine's day eve, at the same time, friday the 13. did anyone realize? haha. tmr's star gazing night. i wonder if the sky can be clear enough to see. i hope. stars stars stars.

lulu and isabel, i hope you guys are coping well there. me and wt will miss out on the fun these few months. faster come back, and so we can make up for it! (:

and jian! hope you have been studying well!

2009-02-01T22:55:00.002+08:00

time for a change. (:

how shd i put it?
went for prac on sat.
i swore i saw disappointment on his face.

shall blog in detail next time, or never. haha.

2009-01-31T03:47:00.004+08:00

it's kind of a surprise to be awake at this kind of time. a major screw up with caffeine intake and body clock.
it's been a long time since i last updated. it seems like the blogger site is a cursed site. i always end up forgetting what i want to type. so in the end, i never update.

it's always at the weirdest time when your mind is clear.

let's see. what have i missed out?

countdown to 2009.
sth i never bothered to do. make this year the special one. cause im so not going to join the crowd for the rest of my living years. it was very crowded and hot. but it's the fireworks which made every drop of our sweat worthwhile.

countdown-ed with my clique. great exp, but we shall opt for a cooler way next year. haha. of course, it ends off with the usual xing wang dining exp. haha. oh not to forget, the very last moment, the dearest yx had to make me ignore her for the rest of 2008. oh and cyn the man, who opened a bottle without bottle-opener?! the man.

my 20th birthday.
yes, the big 2. feeling old. ):
kbox on 2jan with clique. a pleasant surprise from them really made my day. afterall, turning 20 didnt seem that bad when im not alone. overnight k and meeting yixin, wanling and wanteng. guys, i really love the present! it's on my study table now! night was steamboat with my aunt who shares the same bday as me.

the following is going to random order.

meeting with yunxuan, sj and jess for sushi buffet and arcade games. soba sauce.. [blink blink] haha. photohunted but it seems like we were not very observant.. car raced with sj and i won! thank god it's only a vitural game. looking at the state of that car, i can tell that im not a careful driver. too tired.

mayday! with lf sj jess. saw miss xiao. no surprise to see her there. but more surprised to see her in hello kitty tee. oh well, im biased. not a great fan of hello kitty.
WOOHOO~ scream~ get rid of some stress.
haha.

a long-waited meeting with my dearest friends. sy yh bz. (: finally gave them the souvenir from taiwan. like FINALLY. haha. relax times, laughing.

it seems like i cant coherent sentences now. haha.

beginning of sch. trying to attend lect and tut faithfully. so far so good, i supposed.

oh here comes the fun part.

shopping with yx for her cny clothes, with jess. she was the factor needed for sanity. ended up doing stupid things the whole day when sanity factor went for work. firstly, a friend (you know who) told a salesgirl her friend's name which so happened to be my name. she called out for me and i swore the eyes looking made me look onto the floor for a hole. then you know who did sth really dumb that made herself look like a idiot in front of a stranger. haha. okay we're quits.

wait.. i can feel the sleepiness is creeping in. i better sleep, before the body is further screwed.

sayonara~

2008-12-31T02:15:00.003+08:00

today's the last day of 2008. just in less than 24 hrs' time, we'll be in 2009.

how time flies.

2008, 2008, 2008.

marks the new school life. no more uniform, no more class, no more ______.

it's kind of different from what i thought. but still, it's a new beginning. no matter how much i hate studying, i still love being a student. it's always the best times in life. although i always lost my way, it's clear this is where i shd go. i guess.

results were screwed. big time. but then, sort of expected it. i cant really complain. only some pple can understand a person like me. procrastinator. no need to explain further.

before sch life really started, work like mad and had an enjoyable holiday in taiwan with yx and jess. how to describe it? fun. vocab is kind of limited. never expected to have the chance to go. it's kind of special cause we went ourselves and figured our way around. travelling with friends will never be the same experience with our own family. that's the main factor that contributes to the fun. (: looking forward to more travelling. but money.. haha.

2008.

it had been a average year. nothing major (besides all the results day and bad economy) happened, but more things to be added to into the heart disk, like taiwan trip(:.

also things to be added into the recycling bin, like bad results. ):

i love holidays, but it's coming an end.

this marks the beginning of a new year.

let's welcome 2009 with open arms, and hope it's a better year for everything.

im wishing for a better place to live in. save the earth. and decrease the entropy of my room with a miracle. oh please.

let's welcome it like that. (:

2008-11-29T00:54:00.010+08:00

oh man. holidays now! yeah!

seriously my schedule is so damn full! cause so many pple im meeting this hols.
at first, i was planning work like 3 days a wk. i was thinking it's holiday. shall spent some time working and resting. planning 3 days of work cause i thought no one will jio me out.
but who knows? at least i know the first two weeks of holiday will be spent with all my friends! i'm loving this. (:

i really cant wait for holiday to start quickly and pls. let it last. there's a thousand and one thing to do but so little time i can use.

im missing these pple. VERY MUCH.

click to enlarge.

haha. yeah i ripped it off from the farewell ppt slides. cause i really like it very much.

i dont know why.

“如果最美好的早已留在心中，

那再多的选择也只会视而不见。”

cant find any better words to describe. cause no matter what class im in, i compared it with 4s2. and the feeling were all different. i know it's different but cant help to compare. and conclusion, i still prefer 4s2. it's the pple and feelings.

and of course im missing other pple too.

my closest friends! bizhi sying yinghui

my dearest clique! jess cyn yinxi

my bestest bandmates! xiling wanteng LULU yixin

and all the others who consider me as their friend and i consider as friends too!

when my best years are still the crescent years, that's why i always say life sucks.

love my life now. life may suck but it's better when exams are over!

2008-11-21T01:10:00.002+08:00

sometimes it's sad to note that some pple are not doing things for the right reasons.
to help others is sth that shd come from the bottom of your heart.
not because there's a reward or benefit for yourself.
i dont know how to talk to pple like that.
i cant understand pple like that.

or i just dont want to understand pple like them?

2008-11-06T20:54:00.010+08:00

exams is in less than a week's time. and im like damn screwed.
i can never be a full-time mugger. im nowhere near the word 'mug'.
oh well. im just an average student, with a below-average grades, leading a very average life. everything abt me is average.

but i dont want to be below-average. and i cant never be above-average. so just be thankful im just average.

oh well. it's been a long time since i blogged. cause there's nth to blog or im too lazy. (:

jay zhou's new album. (:
i love the songs! and the cd's title! cause capricorns. (:
no more lab reports! for the sem. cause the sem is ending. but still, it's sth to be happy abt. i seriously hate doing lab report. /: haha.
finished watch moonlight resonance. damn funny. haha. and the songs!

ice cream - DNR
i love eating. (: and that sat i think i exceeded my quota! haha.

GIANT lemon sugarcane drink

bbq stingray

chicken & pork satay

rojak
oyster omelette

And lastly, one plate of bbq chicken wings. No pic cause we were too busy eating! HAHA C:

even now, just looking at the pics i feel hungry. haha.

great chomp chomp exp with:

wanteng! (: lulu! (:

im hoping for more chomp chomp exp with the rest of my friends. q:

seriously, t700 looks good. /: annoying. no money.

and i still want a photo printer! /: i almost forgot. damn.

come rain, come rain me some money.

2008-10-16T21:11:00.005+08:00

pung: haha. yes meet up. next sun. (: come on, where to find someone who LOVES uni? haha. it's my plan since mars is the closest resemblance to earth. at least it's less crowded over there.

bff: of course. it's damn comfy. i always wear it in sch. monday monday, sushi sushi! (:

wt: aiya. you shd have! it's worth it! i love my pullover! (:

xiao pang! im looking forward to that day man! im trying not let myself die in uni... haha. SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

okay. supposed to be doing lab report (told you it's never-ending?!) but ended up coming online. crap.
it seems like im not the only one who finds uni not as glamourous as what everyone has been telling us. oh well, we're here. no choice. we have to go on. im not trying to spread my hate for sch. just complaining. looking forward to next sem. im planning to learn guitar/ joining guitar club. when i master the skill, i shall sing for my bffs. come on, look forward to it man!

oh oh. i finally watched coffeeprince. (i know im slow. seriously. no need to tell me.) it's damn freaking nice and funny.

love these songs. enjoy!
Good Bye - The Melody

Sad Thing -

okay okay. lab report.

2008-10-12T22:19:00.004+08:00

sometimes i really dont understand why pple have to study. i mean it's true that we need to have some knowledge before we can do anything. but how many years of studies do we have to go through before working? and how much of these knowledge is going into my work? i wonder.

really hate what im studying. cause none catches my interest. i really shd give myself a kick in the ass. look, i hate bio. maybe not so strong as hate. dislike. but im taking biological sciences. what was i thinking when i applied for uni? i think im going nuts in sch. difficult tutorials, boring lectures, annoying lab work which everything can go wrong, never ending LAB REPORTS. i cant breathe.

i seriously shdnt be in uni. come on, i dont see a purpose for being there. well, maybe there's a purpose but not MY purpose. a purpose which everyone thinks it's right. a purpose which i cant say no.

i need to be more hardworking, ~~and stop complaining~~. haha. im alright. just needed to complain to make myself sane.

oh well. actually i wanted to blog abt something else.

i seldom go to the airport. i mean everytime i go there's a purpose. like going taiwan, fetching my mum.. that's why i never explore the airport.
on 8oct, i went to the airport. T3 in particular. to send someone off. to send my ~~ex-~~manager off. she was going back to japan. how sad. for that, i actually woke up at 545. it could be called a miracle. haha. i was determine to send her off. cause i didnt go to the farewell party. the least i could do is be airport to say bye to her. for she's such a nice person, it's worth to wake up early.

she's probably the nicest manager i ever met. haha. i only had 1 job before my current job. so.. haha. i really think she's amazing. she did things more than what a manager does. things which are out of her duties. that's how she impressed me. i'll miss her, cause things will not be the same without a nice manager.

this is my manager. (:

not everyone send her off. after all, everyone had to go work the next day and some ended work late the night before.

at first, the atmosphere was still alright. but at the very last moment, she still cried. i mean of course she will. she stayed in sg for quite some time already and liked sg. her friends here are all her colleagues. i think it's probably the very thought that she had to go back, probably will not meet them so soon so she cried. it's 人之常情。it became a teary farewell for a moment later.
after the airport trip, went home and got ready for sch.
that's all for that day.

oh something to mention. it's a horrible exp, memory. but i need to remind myself not to make the same mistake again. 4 oct, i nearly hurt a customer. till now, the memory is still vivid. i was trembling like im having Parkinson's disease. totally mad.

the world can be so big, why is sg so small? it's annoying. nuts. can i live on mars instead? the air will be so much fresher.

"既然我还幸运的活着当然要全力以赴去快乐"

2008-10-05T01:04:00.000+08:00

jian jian!
i havent had time to go on skype. wait okay! (:

2008-10-02T21:40:00.004+08:00

depressedzzkidzxz@hotmail.com

damn demoralising. why why why.
am i nearing my dream? or am i walking further away?
damn it. i hate to think life this way.
when i try hard, i fall hard.
shd things be this way?
ARGH.

"知我者谓我心忧，不知我者谓我何求。”

2008-09-21T23:16:00.002+08:00

日子久了，好像再也不能像从前一样地和其他人说话了。
人越老，为什么越不懂得和其他人沟通？
人与人之间的隔膜好像突然被无限放大。
不只是我，你也是发现了，不是吗？

比起从前，我的话是变少了。从前可以自在地说的东西，现在未必会再说了，因为和一些人之间的鸿沟始终无法跨越。这使我很难适应。但还是得接受，由不得我选择。偶尔会想说话，可是要找一个倾诉的朋友好难。也许我也没下决心去找，因为找了也未必会说些什么，最后还不是说些无关痛痒的事。

我不知道在烦什么，因为好像从头到尾都和我没有直接关系。只是为他们烦为什么会把事情搞到这地步。也许我也有错，很想尽力弥补，又不知道可以做些什么。

无奈。

2008-09-13T01:05:00.004+08:00

this is with the permission of miss lim shao jian.

so this is abt webcaming! haha.
paiseh la pple here very "updated" one..

最近真的觉得很糟糕。
神是我，鬼也是我。
我也不想的。
忽然我觉得我好可怕。
坐在这里的我好像早已不是从前的我。
我不认识我。
太可怕了。太自私了。

在我的世界，我可以是神，也可以是鬼。
神做事向来光明磊落，不必遮掩；鬼做事向来无须交代，我行我素。
但这世界不只是有我一个人。
在你眼中，我是神，还是鬼？
我现在只想做一个普通人。
没有束缚的普通人。

2008-09-05T11:43:00.001+08:00

i almost forgot!

WANTENG, LULU: meet soon. and we shall go find maltesers the dark cocoa one!!! (:

2008-09-03T20:53:00.004+08:00

it feels weird. using another com to blog. haha.

so light.

well, it has been raining really badly these days.
brr.. so cold.
maybe the sky is crying, crying really badly.
we can do to stop the sky from crying is stop contributing to global warming. [hint hint: can b]

but honestly, it's really very blue that it rains almost everyday. i could be at home like now when it's raining. no, i got sch. i got sch on rainy days! ): haha. i think everybody got sch on rainy days too. haha. (:

oh i finally rmb what i wanted to write already!

LIM PANG PANG!! haha.
so touched you actually called me yesterday. although you got hell lot of work to do, you actually took time off to call me! SO TOUCHED leh!! come back asap. you're missed by a lot of pple here!! MISS YOU! oh and all the best for completing all your assignment. JIA YOU!
we shall web cam soon. haha.
haha. yes, this entry was actually meant for you. haha.

but just thought more things to blog.

lingfang: i dont really like econs too. high 5. we shall have our mthly meeting to eat away our dread for econs. haha. sun with moon's lunch? lol.

sy, yh, bz: we shall meet soon! the things i got for you guys from tw are still in my hse, collecting dust. meet up after yh's a's okay?

jess, cyn, yx: i shall send you guys the pics as soon as i upload them to the com first. (: very soon, i promise!!

evon, lydia, ry, xuan: if you guys ever read this, i really want meet you guys soon. but i dont know when are you guys free! sad. if you guys ever meet up, ask me along. i got no band prac already. maybe i'll msg you guys soon.

shihhan, merlisa: sorry to ps you guys. i really forgot lect ends at 630. we shall meet up and go out and eat soon. (:

okay. the end.

2008-08-24T22:42:00.002+08:00

now that beijing olympics comes to an end, i actually found some olympics videos to share.

1992 Olympics - Derek Redmond

John Stephen Akhwari - Finish the Race

2008-08-22T01:25:00.005+08:00

筆醬樂團-張芸京-1030

i like this song.
describes the sense of helplessness when you cant help the pple ard you. no matter how hard you try.

guess what. i skipped chi lect cause i cant find the lt. how loser is that?
that's me. (:

2008-08-18T23:48:00.010+08:00

不知道为什么想用华文。可能因为明天要上华文课吧。也可能因为我要写的是文字游戏吧。

刚从一个聚会回来，发现每个人都变了。但每个人都说我没变或是变化最少的。一样的发型（其实中间有不同的发型啦，只是最近的发型好像又变得跟以前一样……），一样戴眼镜，一样的不修边幅。我也很认真地想过，我真的没变吗？或许只是外表没变吧。过了3 ，4 年，大家变得成熟了。也许我还是一样幼稚吧。哈哈。 (:

因为最近龄芳和我才刚见面，她说：“你变质了。”

变质？什么是变质？怎么变质了？

但她说得对，我是变质了。这我知道。

人会变，月会圆。
变化是人生唯一不变的事实，不是吗？

我……
变得多话了，也变得沉默了。
变得豁达了，也变得小气了。
变得成熟了，也变得幼稚了。
变得勇敢了，也变得懦弱了。
变得____了，也变得____了。

总之，我的变质是有好有坏，好会更好，坏会更坏。

我喜欢我的变质，因为无须你了解我，我还是我。

(:

昨天摔得我的屁股好痛……哈哈。

2008-08-15T16:34:00.002+08:00

watching olympics right now. it's been my daily routine these days to sit in front of the tv watching ch5.
right now on tv, it's the table tennis match. sg vs korea.
hopefully sg can at least win a medal back.

and michael phelps is like WOW~ haha.

anyway sch is better this wk. i guess.
i know what the must-have in my bag.

1. a box of cookies
2. strong mint (maybe im getting extra strong mint)

(: it helps.

and the less i sleep, the more awake im.
it takes at 1 hr before im unconscious. haha.

i realise one thing from the game.
the greatest opponent is not the one in front, it's the one in your heart.

2008-08-13T11:30:00.002+08:00

olympics. WOW~
cool! must watch!! esp swimming!
cause michael phelps is like wow! he broke the olympics and world records!
cool~

haha. watching olympics now. sch starting later. (:
and i finally resigned to my fate. maybe econs wont be that bad afterall. (:

honestly, just watch swimming. (:

2008-08-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

oh fuck. i know why im stuck with econs.
shit.

BIG HEADACHE!

now then i see, ARGH!

i HAD the chance to choose. but i didnt know!!

4jul. TMD.

major volcano eruption. ARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

sometimes, who else to blame but myself for all that happened to me.

2008-08-03T09:59:00.004+08:00

DAMN IT.

I am interested in forensic science. Does the NTU School of Biological Sciences offer this course?

Although we do not have a module on forensic science within the programme, our undergraduate students get to learn many of the molecular and chemical analysis techniques used in forensic science during their undergraduate laboratory sessions. Naturally, we do not offer training in firearms analysis, fingerprint analysis or explosive techniques! There is, however, a General Elective course Forensic Science offered by NTU that you can take to fulfill your General Educational Requirement. With a B.Sc. (Hons) in biological sciences, you can apply to work as a scientific officer in the Centre for Forensic Science under the Health Sciences Authority of Singapore and acquire on-the-job training in this exciting field or go onto a specialist programme in forensic science that is offered elsewhere. Do take note, however, that job opportunities in this field could be limited as, happily, we do not have a high homicide rate in Singapore!

---taken from ntu sbs website.

so how? /: sad sad sad. /: /: /:
maybe overseas have more chances. sucks.

2008-08-03T01:55:00.003+08:00

im lost. im lost.

all i know is i dont want to do HE191. either i do CBC811, or HMJ1.
im lost. totally dont know what to do with my timetable. or rather, what to do with the courses i want and the ones i dont want. it matters to me. cause it's my interest. if not, i can just take HE191 to make life easier.

is this the uni life i was looking forward to? NOPE.
i was hoping to have a timetable which doesnt require me to go sch everyday. or at the very least, i dont have lectures starting at 8:30am. but too bad. my lectures STARTS at 8:30am. i dont have a choice. ARGH.

uni life is different.

im complaining a lot. maybe cause i havent had enough time to reflect how lucky i am to be in uni. just let me complain first. q:

well, the only thing i shant complain is i wont be a loner in uni. given the fact that im in the same class as huimin. thank god.

and i also realised how as i had been since the holidays started last year. i spent most of the time working or slacking. when im not working, i would be staying at home sleeping.
i dont like to look for pple. pple look for me. i meant it in a way that i dont take the first step to meet those who i want to meet. i only meet those who wants to meet me. i can even count with my fingers those who met up during this holiday. so little pple. but they are the ones i want to meet 5 years later, 10 years later...

"朋友很少，都是经过时间的考验，能够一起共患难的，雪中送炭的那种。"

even to my family, i owed my mum too much. if i ever count the no of hours she saw me in one normal week of the holidays, it could hardly even be added up to 24 hours. when a mum hardly sees her daughter, what will she thinks? it makes her worried. and that's bad. as for my dad, there was 2 weeks that i nv saw his face at all. intentionally, and also unintentionally. 2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours, 20160 mins, 1209600 seconds. it's odd.

the time plays an impt part for me to type so much down.

how impt my family is to me, the friends that are impt to me, how lucky i am.
things like that only appear in my thoughts in this kind of unearthly hours.

suddenly thought of this.

有伟大的梦想不是厚脸皮，不自量力。
但有伟大的梦想却不努力是最不要脸的。

was thinking of this on the cab home. maybe cause i have a dream. and i want to try really hard for it. really dont want to settle for half anymore.

2008-07-29T23:56:00.004+08:00

AH! i want to do CBC811! i really really do! i hope it's not hard to get in!
damnit. i MUST get in! i dont want to do HE191. damn damn.

突然我好累。

2008-07-24T00:45:00.005+08:00

i miss sch. but not ready to step into a sch environment..
maybe cause i spent most of my holiday on work, going taiwan..
even my off day im usually sleeping at home, watching tv.
sometimes meeting some friends, catching up with each other..

im just not ready for sch.

im so used to planning my own off days.
to think that im going to have a fixed timetable, scary.
im so used to waking up at 9, going out at 10, coming back home at 11 or 12.
to think that i probably start sch at early morning or late afternoon, staying back in sch doing projects and projects and more projects, coming back home for dinner, scary.
im so used to sleeping at 1am or 2am, watching tv or staying online until i sleep.
to think that i'll be rushing through projects until 1am or 2am, sleep until the next morning and realise i never finish my work, scary.

WOW. im scared of sch now!!
|:

i said things that i thought i wld never say. bad. bad. bad.

sometimes, i wonder what kind of a person am i.

他们有装傻的天赋，他们认为只有傻子才会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意

2008-07-15T00:49:00.002+08:00

我很气。真的很气。

为什么为了你一个人，我们得过的这么辛苦？你就有感受，可是我们不是人吗？不可以有感受吗？为什么总是我们迁就你，那我们呢？谁在乎过我们呢？你太过分了。

我真很讨厌你。

讨厌你自以为是。
讨厌你的霸道。
讨厌你的自私。
讨厌你的道理。
讨厌你的不谅解。
讨厌你以自己为中心点。
讨厌你。

你有麻烦，我们就没有吗？

我有点任性，有点叛逆。
可是，
我的任性，我的叛逆，
不会伤害我爱的人。

而你，
你的固执，你的自以为是，
总是让我们伤痕累累。

我对你的讨厌，已经快变……

我不想再看到你，但我知道不可能。
看着你，我就想起我们的痛。
我想逃避，想消失不见。
像以前一样，逃避。

发生的一切，是个烙印在我心上。
我心的痛。

2008-07-14T13:43:00.002+08:00

i hate silence. i really do.
i hate you. i really do.
i want you to be out of here. i really do.
i wish i could stand up to protect you. i really do.

i can never forgive you. fuck off.

get lost.

now i realized how useless i am. i just did.

2008-07-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

hi lovely!

im going to be away for 6d5n! pls pls, dont miss me! (:

oh taiwan here we come!!

oh anyway had been busy these days. preparing for the trip, work and sleeping. cant believe it's already here!

OMGOMGOMG!
(:

2008-06-28T04:45:00.003+08:00

seriously, i will only blog under 3 conditions.
A. im really bored.
B. im really upset or anything along that line.
C. if pple ask me to update.

today it's A and C. (:

first of all, im supposed to wake up for work tmr. oh sorry, i mean today. meeting ry at 10am at je. i seriously doubt myself cause i hardly feel sleepy right now.. even though im feeling really tired from work the whole day. may god bless me. |:

oh work has been really tiring these days. cries. but i rather it being busy than empty. cause i can always tell myself i survived another day. (: meaning one more day nearer to taiwan. (:
OH YESH! i seriously think diner dash is not just some virtal pc game. at work today, i really felt i was the character in the game. DAMN BUSY!
takeorder,keyorder,sendorder,takeorder,sendfood,refillteawater,cleartable,sendfood,takeorder,cleartable,keyorder...
it's really a miracle i survived the day, i mean it. legs aching, back aching, hands aching..

wait.. a need to mention that i was nearly killed by the korean girl at workplace. WAH. i bet she hates me. cause i always refused to help her. *blink blink* haha.

and one thing, kiasu is the only word i can describe abt the entire 30% promotion. but oh well, im one of those too!

but the happiest thing of the day was MY PAY CAME!
HAHA!
went to had supper after work, with ry and jess. (:
at xin wang, as usual. the only place we can think of ba. ordering food without really paying much attention to the price. haha. followed by chatting about our random happenings at work. and cabbing home.
I LOVE PAY DAY! (:

and TEN MORE DAYS TO TAIWAN!
TAIWAN, here i come!

我明白了一个道理。
说者无心，听者有意。

2008-06-13T09:22:00.003+08:00

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS! (: *ESP IF YOU"RE A ex-CRESCENTIAN*

yup. dont know if i am allowed to post this out. but oh well, it's really AN VERY VERY VERY GOOD EXCUSE to go back crescent. (: (: (:

hey, friends! let's go back together! (:

PS: decide quick. by 18june!!

2008-06-03T21:29:00.005+08:00

What Pei Ting Means

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.

Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.

Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

hmm. i think this thing is abt 75% true.
what do you think?

What Grace Means

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

this one, hmm. okay la.
which one more true?

What Ang Pei Ting Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.

Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.

Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

haha. i think im just too bored. haha.

2008-06-01T02:59:00.002+08:00

Either i update really frequently (like now?), or i just leave my blog to collect dust. oh well.

just came back from lot 1's food tasting (haha!), shihhan AND FRIENDS' bbq and steamboat. LOTS OF FOOD! i see my tummy growing. (rub rub) haha.

cause feeling a little too full, that's why im here. can't sleep with a full stomache. will GROW FATTER!
and tmr doing opening. sian. if i call in and cancel, haha. i wonder what will happen. but obviously i'm not going to do that. for my pay. (:

sigh. when something's bound to happen, it will happen. but seriously, im really praying very hard there's a miracle. im hoping, im praying. pls, let the miracle happen.

like i said, 事与愿违。how come it's always the way of life? what's the pt of having plans, when things cant go the way i plan? i don't have and don't want to have a plan b. cause i bet i need a plan c, d, e, f,... waste of time. just go ahead with plan a. that's my way of life. argh.

sigh. why pple have to go? i don't want them to go but i know they have to.

天下无不散之宴席。
虽然知道也明白，但却不想相信。

how come we can't be like last time, hanging together and laughing like nobody's business, talking like we're at home, had nth to worry?
it's good to be young.

maybe it's the time. i'm feeling a little emo somehow. hoping that things and pple can stay the same.
but it's not possible. :(

sigh, life has too many for things for me to care.
shut down.

2008-05-31T12:13:00.002+08:00

Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
While every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

2008-05-31T09:42:00.002+08:00

my once a mth update. (:

actually i dont intend to only update once a mth. just too lazy to update.

anyway i chose to live in hdb instead of condo. if ever one day i regret, pls slap me man. *nods.

these days, hmm. eat and eat and eat. explains why im growing fatter. haha.
oh why i like my job. FOOD TASTING, staff gathering (meaning more food!)
that's all. haha.

okay im going to get more jellybeans. (:
and cinnamon is really a bad flavour. :/
pls add on popcorn. :/

HUNGRY!! :/

2008-04-26T13:42:00.005+08:00

事与愿违：

【解释】:事实与愿望相反。指原来打算做的事没能做到。
【出处】:三国魏·嵇康《幽愤》诗：“事与愿违，遘兹淹留。”
【近义词】:大失所望、适得其反
【用法】:主谓式；作谓语、定语；含贬义
【英语】:things go contrary to one's wishes

不知道为什么我会突然想到“事与愿违”。
在这地球上，几千亿个生命体都过着自己不想要的人生。
事与愿违，让能够跳动的心被无奈填满。
而我，现在也只感受到无奈，对其他任何情绪都没感觉了。

没什么，只是偶尔会很累。心累，身也累。

现在的我真的很怀念中学的日子。无忧无虑，简单平凡。

我的华文是越来越烂了。唉~

my language seriously sucks. but oh well.
hmm, today off day. but dont know what to do. haha. for money, i shall work. call me money-minded. in this world, it's just so realistic. money makes the world go round. haha.

oh met yinxi 2 days ago! took lots of photos. haha. jess, yx and me were just crazy!
enjoyed icecream and photo-taking at liang court! hehe.

paiseh, zi lian-ing here. haha. (:
<3

haha. this is found at the workplace. kawaii huh?

haha. and yx bought me a lollipop cause i was sad.
AND just because of a LOLLIPOP, our friendship is on the ROCK! huh, jess? haha. -inside joke. (:
i love the days like this.

oh and lots of things to blog for the past few days, like jessie came to eat at sun w moon. lol. actually she came to find us. but then she wanted to eat. when she came, i was like why are you here. what's more, someone ask me to lead the customer in and i was like, where's the customer? -neglecting zhang's presence- haha. then i realised the customer was zhang. so embarrassing. haha. she bought chocolate banana cake too. oh my. damn nice. i seldom eat chocolate cake or icecream, but these days i indulged in such sinful stuff. oh no. growing REAL fat. haha. then went home with zhang. she entertains me. (:
haha. besides that, the days i got jess injured! damn sorry okay! sigh. it was like my most guilty day cause i got her injured like all over. so sorry. pls dont hate me okay? treat you to more more lollipops. i'll make sure our friendship wont be on the rock. ;D

okay. enough of updating. i decided to watch tv instead. missing out on shows! haha.

k next fri! pple plan song list! lol.

2008-04-12T23:46:00.003+08:00

exactly how im feeling. haha. oh well.
ILOVEEATING!! LOVE IT LOVE IT!
haha. a little too high. too much of cakes.

oh well, my mum went korea! ): but then she's there with ah sohs, that's why i didnt tag along. and i want to earn more money!! to save up for the taiwan trip. hopefully.
YEAH MAN! haha. cant wait for july to come. and planning the trip. hehe.
waiting waiting waiting.

come on pple. bring me to places with great cakes!!
we shall go cake hunting! (:

and KOH LINGFANG! fix a date to go imm and tiong! your present (: i will go look for it in my "neat and tidy" room. promise.
and thanks for the necklace and stuff!! i love them (:

okay. im feeling mean. that's bad. oh well. i scared a person just now. when i was buying cakes, then the worker there was getting it for me. somehow, she broke the cake into two. so i went like, "you broke the cake." she was so flustered and wanted to change for me. haha. i laughed and said no need. saw the relief on her face. honestly i was being mean. told my dad. he said if he was the person, he would curse me lor. haha. okay the evil me.

happy happy. i dont know why. suddenly so high. maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the food. i hope july is nearing.

oh. now then i realised my results is reflected wrongly in the ntu application. how? HOW?
sigh. the only screwed thing today.

im missing my mum, a lot! MUMMMMMMY!!! )':

2008-04-12T22:15:00.002+08:00

I believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe...
That it is taking me a long, long, LONG time to become the person I want to be.

I believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe...
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe...
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe...
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe...
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe...
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people you don't even know.

I believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

thanks pamela for these.

2008-04-09T08:54:00.001+08:00

is. (:

2008-04-03T23:01:00.009+08:00

too many things to say. too much.

today went out with shihhan. haha. it's been a long time. went to original sin to have cakes. originally our intentions were to eat cakes, but ended up we had a salad, main course and cakes as desserts. (: the atmosphere there was great. food was delicious and it's vegetarian!!

walnut cheesecake.

tiramisu.

but i think tiramisu was more appealing to me. cause i love the rich coffee taste in it. (:

then we went walking ard and had dinner together. soup spoon.

fun to go out with her cause she brings me to new places to eat all the time. haha.

shihhan! next time we go out together okay? bring me to new places to eat! yeah! (:

my old watch broke. yes, the yellowish and ugly one. i went two weeks without a watch. it feels weird. it's a habit. changes are not accepted. so i got a new one asap.

nice? haha.

i thought the worst was over. the point was i thought.

sigh. why did this have to happen? im very sick and tired of it. lao shi said im just over-sensitive but i think otherwise. there's something wrong with the silence. the silence is so loud. it's bothering me too much. too uncomfortable. maybe it's just the difference between my personality and others. or, i lose the ability to communicate with pple.

sigh. i hate it when this happens. i hate when the silence is too loud, when i become an imaginary friend around pple. but now, i really wish im just an imaginary friend. at least i know very well that not everyone will see me. and of course, maybe someone will see me.

if you could see me now.

2008-03-11T21:14:00.004+08:00

no work. (: so stayed home the whole day. yay! and watched my date with a vampire. (: haha.

yesterday went cycling and watched august rush! with wl and wt. hehe. morning went cycling. then it was raining. ): so sad. but then we spent our time sitting down and chatted. it was nice. oh yes! i did an amazing stunt! it was like i was going to bang into wt's bike. subconsciously, i pressed the brakes. both, the left and right! so smart can. :/ the entire bike moved forward when the front wheel was braked! so i jumped off the bike cause i was damn scared of flying off the bike. though there's no much diff between flying off and jumping off. maybe the only diff is i wasnt thrown off (flying off)the bike. haha. so i ended up sitting on the floor. and it was raining. so pai seh can. :/

wl saw it with the corner of her eyes. haha. too bad wt, you missed the whole stunt. haha.

after that, we went bk for lunch. and my dad just didnt give up. he called to make sure i made a decision. all of it was his decision, his choice. not mine. but i believed i'll make my own choice. (:

made way down to cine and watched august rush. no leap years cause we were late for the movie. haha. and and! august rush is a good movie. it doesnt have lots of romances but more on music, kinship. actually i expected it to be much better. maybe cause i anticipate for a long time le. but still, the music and plot was good. august rush is cute! haha.

after that went home and had a good time standing on the bus. sian diao. :/

2008-03-07T09:23:00.003+08:00

the day everyone have been waiting for. oh great. in a few hours' time, i'll be in sch. i've no idea how it will be like. reality hasnt hit me yet. what would it be like when reality hits? i really hope nobody comes to me and put their hands ard me, asking me it's gonna be okay. it will be the trigger point, i guess. i've been comforting myself that it's so gonna be okay. if anything goes wrong, at most retake a's. it just feels like history is going to repeat itself once again. of course, i hope and pray i dont have to retake. but i also know very well i didnt give my very best yet. so who else can i blame. damn.

okay. may my reaction be slow. so the impact of the results doesnt hit me today.
*cross my fingers.

2008-03-05T15:39:00.003+08:00

“True friends stab you in the front."

got no work today. yay. planning whether to stay home the whole day later or go out. but looking at the time. paiseh, jess. but let's all stay home for the day ba. (:

sigh. too much things to say, but i dont know where to start from.

i did sth recently that i shocked myself. it's sth that i really didnt want do. but that fateful day, i just went ahead with it. maybe i didnt want pple see through what i was actually thinking, or i didnt want things to be like that in the first place. so i tried to act as normal as possible. but it was so normal that i felt like i was a hypocrite. what to do? maybe someone or no one knows what im saying here. in short, so hypocritical. eek. i hate that.

if you only have one hour to live, one hour to love, what will you do?

thought of it when i saw the book called,"one hour to live, one hour to love". it seems like a good book. that's why im still thinking of buying it. i rarely read. but if it's a good book, i will read. (: and recently i cant resist the temptation to buy books. so i bought if you could see me now and a place called here. hehe. so happy. at least during break i can go sit in some corner and read. so comfortable. (:

2008-03-04T09:06:00.002+08:00

im a unfeeling person. i feel that myself and pple told me so as well. oh well im just like that.

yes, a's result is coming out. maybe im weird. im happier that results are coming out. i've waited enough. yes. impatient.

after so long.

2008-03-03T08:50:00.005+08:00

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

hi im here, lim shao jian! how's sch? haha.
wt! i updated!
hi meiling!
sh, what's with him ah? haha.

the smart me put down work for 5 days straight and didnt realise. can i be any smarter? :/ next next week shall take more days off. (:
okay. my life is like a routine. everyday i come back from work, the only thing i want to do is to sleep. nvm, i get paid for it. (:
yay!

im peeling. weird. i didnt know i will peel. cause i thought i can only get tanned but not burnt. my skin feels like snake skin! eek. but i still want to tan. q: eri san was damn funny. she rubbed my arm then asked me, "you swim right?" haha. everyone thought im in some sport cca. that's funny. cause im an idiot in sports. haha. no one realise that. (:

oh man. suddenly i feel like i've lost touch with lots of pple. at least i finally met up with zq and xl again! it's been a long time. met zq and co to celebrate zq's bday. then next day met with wl wt cyn to celebrate wl's birthday. (: but i felt very guilty for not helping out in the making of wl's present cause i was working.
sorry wt and cyn. i shall take more days off then we can go out together. hehe.

watched ps i love you. still i think the book is much nicer. i love her books. if you could see me now, where rainbow ends, ps i love you.(:

these days when i met up with any crescentians, i just cant help but to mention the things that happened in crescent again and again. i miss the life in crescent this much. :/
im proud being a crescentian. (:

see, i finally updated. (:
and results is coming out.

2008-02-20T01:00:00.004+08:00

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY CYNTHIA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINXI!
welcome to the 19teen club! haha. im no longer the only one who's 19 now. haha.

omg. i think im a spendthrift. seriously. but still, money is meant to be spent. if not, i cant bring it to my grave with me. haha. im just making excuse to justify my spending. hehe.

anyway no more admin job le. yeah im so happy. (:

2008-02-08T00:11:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY!

since it's cny, shall put everything in red. hehe.
the whole round of visiting starts now. it's seriously boring. my dad even told me to introduce myself to my cousins. haha. joke. all they have to know abt me is my name, whose daughter and that's it. my dad is trying to be funny. ha ha.

and the most interesting part of cny is the spring cleaning. although i hate the part of it, it's very interesting to find things that i thought was lost or things that are really really old. haha. and i suspect i didnt pack last year. cause i found everything hiding in all the boxes i have. haha.

i found my clique notebook. opps. im so sorry. apparently i kept it for too long. actually i totally forgot it was with me. if i didnt spring cleaning, then probably it will stay in my hse until the next spring cleaning session.

then i found a lot of stuff. all the angel mortal letter since sec 1, letters from my classmates and my 造句簿! omg. i read my own 造句 and i cant help to laugh. everything goes with "小明和小华 this, 小明和小华 that". damn entertaining. and my ugly handwriting. not that now my handwriting is any nicer but sec1 handwriting is cmi, please. haha.

finally decided to throw stuff that i dont need anymore. like my sec sch textbk. i cant bear to throw them away but they are seriously taking too much spaces.

so i finally cleared my room! haha.

and cny is the period to get fat. i cant resist the cny goodies. yummy. (:

anyway i think the working world is a scary place. everyone smiles with a knife hiding behind their backs. once you're not careful, haha. all the best. knives are struck behind your back. this is not exaggerating, cause pple went through it. seems like everybody's stories are scaring me. everyone can be so two-faced. this is the way to survive, i guess. so in conclusion:
it's really great being a student. as student, at least all these things will be none of my concern.
一时感慨，世界还真黑暗啊。

oh and august rush is showing soon!! (: on 27/3. i shall start asking pple to go watch with me. i dont want to miss this show. (:

2008-01-26T10:07:00.000+08:00

suddenly i realised how much i dont bother abt the pple ard me. no no. i mean those who are not on my list of friends-i-really-care-for. so i keep discovering new things abt those pple. no matter how long i know them. they are just acquaintance or passer-by in my life. i think i dont even have enough things to talk to them to hold a 5 min conversation. oh well, like they will know who they are, like i care what they think. it's just that i find myself so anti-social for a moment. but think again, maybe not. haha.

oh ya. got pple say im zi bi. lmao. me? zi bi? i dont rmb they go hand in hand though. haha. but it's okay, cause im just shy lor. i bet all those who know me well knows im talking rot. haha. whatever. i am, okay? (:

oh ya. yixin! are you reading my blog?
actually i just want to say have a safe journey home!! we'll miss you. ):
-WAVES WAVES-
come back soon!!

actually supposed to send her off. at 6 plus. but i overslept to 8:42. OMG i was freaked out. cause i didnt want to put pple aeroplane lor. (pls bear with my powderful england. okay, im being annoying here.) then just to realise nobody went as well. okay, im not so guilty le. q:

i miss seeing her.
everyday i go to work, i look forward to seeing her.
she's the office cleaner auntie!!
she only comes on fridays.
so when she comes, i know wkends are coming.
no more waking up at 7 to prepare for work. haha.
i saw her yesterday, and that makes today a wkend!
yipeeeee!

haha, it's a joke adapted from a book lai shi lent me. it's called, "6868, 一起跷班去" (6868: 溜吧溜吧)
then the same thing will repeat itself from mon again.

so fun lor. i see the thrill in waiting for 5pm to come everyday.

soon i'll quit this job.
when the results are released.

2008-01-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

looking at the time now, 12:32am. im supposed to be in bed, sleeping. and probably dreaming abt how i can get away from work tmr. but i found sitting in front of my bro's com. wide awake.

i dont even rmb sleeping so early in the school days. during those days, i'll probably be rushing hw or watching tv at this kind of time. how i miss attending sch. of course not the waking-up-early-to-squeeze-up-the-public-transport part.

and of course why i miss sch is because sch was nv as boring as work. i mean office work. everyday i see myself doing the same thing, typing the same old data book. seriously it's making me really sick. i always thought sch was boring. now i know i was wrong all this while. maybe office work is just not my type of job. or im just not used to it. maybe i didnt want to get used to it at all.

now i look forward to wkends. working in a restaurant is much more fun than sitting in the office until my ass and shoulders hurts like hell. at least i get to talk to pple pple, not phone call with another person on the other end speaking with this funny accent that i can hardly understand what the hell he was saying. and my ass wont hurt. only the legs will ache. but it's so much better.
this is probably due to the fact that im a restless person. like i said, i cant keep still. i just need to move ard somehow. yup.

anyway, im not looking forward to cny at all. cause i havent pack my room. let alone the house. it's in such a big mess that i dont even know where to start from. oh well. i need a part-time maid. anyone?(: another thing is buying new clothes. not that i dont enjoy buying new clothes. but it's just that i cant find what i like so it's just a waste of time and money to get clothes for cny. esp the clothes im getting have to be approved. like black is my fav colour. but it's something that i will wear out on cny if im dying to get a scolding from my parents. so what's the thrill of getting clothes that's not really what you wanted. visiting relatives? oh tian. i see them only once a year and i have to act as though i just saw them last week or sth. if not my parents will say im rude. hello? can i say that's unreasonable? i dont pretend to be friendly. in fact, im a unfriendly person, okay? im not blaming my parents. blame it on cny. for consolation, i get ang bao. that's probably the biggest and best-est consolation for the entire cny period.

hey, dont say im money-minded, okay? cause i know in every body's heart, that's the truth. haha.

ha. i finally updated. actually i did a long time ago. but decided not to sound like an asshole or some emo shit so i removed it. okay, im trying not sound like one. it's habit.
so still trying hard..

if you read the entire post, pai seh. i think i still sound like some asshole who complains abt everything. oh well, that's me. love me, or hate me. (:

2008-01-10T01:17:00.000+08:00

ha. this is nice? haha.
i did (i mean editing the codes. if i was this smart to do it myself, haha. i must be some computer genius. haha. and i wont play maple le.) this when i couldnt play maple. haha. this goes to show how no life im at home.
speaking of jobs. big headache. oh man. so annoying. if money can drop from the sky. haha. that's a dream. and it will only stay as a dream. but even so, the work exp.. office work. although i havent try it out, i think it's not my type of work. i like to walk ard (though im a lazy person..) and not sit down in front of the com or office for a long time. in short, im restless. haha. now that i recalled. yes, im a restless person. i just cant keep still. i knew it when i just have to move during sectionals, during morning assembly.. keeping still is so tough! haha. oh well. i shall try. if it doesnt suit, i can just find another. haha it's easier said than done. but money is the issue now. damn.
watching 'my date with a vampire'. haha. damn funny and scary. oh tian. i love this show. but im refering to the first one only. the rest i had no idea what it was showing. story plots are harder to understand. haha.
it's 2 plus in the night and im still awake. die. my bio clock. haha. 'my date with a vampire' is too hard to resist. haha.

since im not sleeping soon, just let me share some of my thoughts. if you always think im talking crap, i shall warn you. SKIP THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH! yeah.
i rmb hearing from someone that when you're thinking that everything and everyone else is out to get you, think again and pay a visit to the hospital. honestly, i thought that idea was a little sadistic. but when i went to the hospital to visit someone recently, it seemed as if my worries were so insignificant. im not gloating over others' misfortunes. just felt more thankful that im pink in health at the moment. i dont have anything much in life to worry abt right now. no big big responsibilities. but yet im wasting life now. damn, what a big contrast from what i was saying. ha. but ya, im so thankful and lucky that i got a family, a roof over my head, people ard who cares for me, and many more. cause i know there's pple out there who aint as lucky as me. so yup. let's be contented with life now.. (: (but i got this feeling that i will start complaining abt life again. i give myself one day. 24 hrs.)

oh. and my mum's best friend is denial. haha. she likes to pick on days when im going out to say im always out. when im at home playing com, watching tv, she would pick those days to go out and ignore the fact that i was home the whole day. haha. im getting too many complaints from her already. so conclusion, her best friend is denial. ha.

okay la. i shall concentrate on my show. if not i cant catch the canto words they were saying! haha.

2008-01-04T00:12:00.001+08:00

laugh out loud. my birthday is offically over! haha. but im still very happy. (:

honestly, i havent been so happy since a long time. now i feel so relieved. haha. now i know when i let go, im so much happier. i shd have done that long ago! haha. but it's okay! cause i did and felt great abt it!

anyway today, i mean 3rd jan, was a great day!
loves to those who wished me happy birthday! and hugs to cyn, jess, yinxi, lingfang, shaojian for everything today, and wl, twt, yixin! (:

happy, from deep down!! (:

2007-12-30T13:34:00.000+08:00

no more band. shd i be happy or not? okay it's time to look for work.
im going crazy. going nuts. why? argh. i need work. badly!
probably only one person knows why. or maybe more than one. or maybe none. i need someone to talk to. i dont know. typing rubbish now. i have no idea what im really want. argh.
when there's no band, it feels like one part of my life is missing. it so happened to the biggest part of my life.
im so incomplete.

"i made my face and heart a stone wall."

-the bonesetter's daughter [amy tan]

回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了情难了

2007-12-27T09:33:00.000+08:00

it's still not settled down.

and i adore you tiao for now~

2007-12-26T16:51:00.000+08:00

sometimes being brave means knowing when to throw in the towel.

i like this song! nice nice.

but i dont know there's pple talking inside.. haha.

2007-12-26T11:04:00.000+08:00

went twt's hse for hse warming and stayover. seriously, her room is organized and cosy. and she has a balcony to herself.
that's the kind of home i want in future. of course, when i can afford. sitting in the balancy, looking at the moon, enjoying the night breeze. so comfortable.
now i wish i can live in a hse like that!
went there with wanling and we got off at the wrong stop. okay, my fault. my sense of direction is going from bad to worse. then met wanteng and fang at the right bus stop. hehe. me and fang took lots of emo pic at wanteng's balcony. haha. then rowena, qinwen, julie, cyn, yixin, jingru came. we went chomp chomp to have the giant sugarcane drink and stingray! (: yummy yummy. had gift exchange and got fang's present. haha.
then we hang ard until 6++ am before i actually fell asleep. and woke up at 9am.
went home for a short rest before i went out again to meet the 4s2. at marina sq's bb. oh man i was so full cause LIM SHAO JIAN kept stuffing me with her food. hmph. im growing so fat.

look at the moon. i was told that the halo round the moon is a bad omen. but it's not visible on the photos i have. it looks more like corona[another type of effect caused by moonlight].

the moon was so bright and round. the moon was trying so hard to be noticed, even if it means merely reflecting 8% of the sunlight. sometimes, it's just like people. trying so hard to be noticed, but always ended up being the reflection of others. so pathetic.

2007-12-24T00:44:00.000+08:00

WEE HSIAO TIEN!! haha. i still rmb how to spell. opps. haha.

i believe you must be my sis in the last lifetime! haha. great minds think alike. (:
haha.

2007-12-23T08:06:00.000+08:00

this is funny. at least i think.

Everybody.. lets get this started and see what creative movie titles we can come up with.. here's the rules.. think up a movie title(ANY movie title), and add "Between Your Legs" to the movie title..ill get it goin...continue to forward this!!!

Cindy :- Rush Hour Between Your Legs

Patrick :- Gone with the wind Between your legs

Carl :- Finding Nemo Between your legs

Damian:- Mad MAx Between your legs

David:- Armageddon Between your legs

Andre: - 300 Between your legs

Trace: - Dirty Dancing Between your legs...

Amy: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure Between Your Legs

Jordy: Midnight Express Between your legs

Joshua: Training Day Between your legs

Callie: Cruel Intentions Between your Legs

Tom: Final Fantasy Between your legs

Garrett: The Abyss Between your legs

Scotty: Groundhog Day Between Your Legs

Samuel : SNATCH between your legs

Lida: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days between your legs

Lachy: The Abyss between your legs

Irene: Sixth Sense between your legs

Benatron: Breakfast @ Tiffany's between your legs

Benatron: Lord of the Rings between your legs.

Hayls: The Lost Boys between your legs

Phil: Blow between your legs

Marayna: Perfect Catch between your legs

Wensi: I Know What You Did Last Summer Between Your Legs

Vic: 2 Fast 2 Furious Between Your Legs

Peter: Hairspray between your legs

Carol: Clueless between your legs

Des: Groundhog Day between your legs

Elena: Boys Don't Cry between your legs

Yangwei : Hunt for Red October between your legs

yewteng: Blow between your legs

august: Enchanted between your legs

Valmond: The Golden Finger between your legs

Timothy:The Pursuit of Happiness between your legs

junlong: you got served between your legs

neo: I am Legend between your legs

gracia: pirates of the carribean between your legs

Shazam Shan Milas : Orient Express between your legs

cynthia: 30 days of night between your legs.

2007-12-23T08:05:00.000+08:00

a second person to ask me why im going for band. my dad.
he said band is a no-pay job. and he couldnt understand why im going and not helping him work. he thinks im wasting my time. to get paid for playing my clarinet, haha. not in this lifetime.

i thought i was being polite. a polite gesture.
and really for once, i was so happy for myself that i wasnt that polite.
cause my politeness was killing me.
it doesnt pay to be polite, does it?
i thought i needed a hole to hide myself. really badly.

no doubt i was trying to be polite. just to realise that my presence wasnt needed. or rather i shdnt be there. you saw me, didnt you? do you know how much that hurts me? at first i didnt know why i was pushed away. not until i saw you and her. holding hands walking to the bus stop. i felt a punch in my stomach. i finally know why you dont need me there. do you know i wanted to hide myself so much when you saw me. that's why i turned my head. pretend that i didnt see you. if you told me so, maybe i'll be a happier person. i dont know. you wont know how much it hurts to see it myself. i dont dare to imagine. it's so painful.
my heart is aching in pain. i really wanted you to know. but, what rights do i have for you to know? on journey back, my heart was crying. tears were spinning in my eyes. i held it back. then, i know what is called a 'heartbreak'. i know why pple always take so long to get over a heartbreak.
we're over, arent we? why did it have to be like this? why is this the last kind of feeling you have to give me before everything ends?
seeing is believing. i heard so much, but i told myself i havent seen it myself. it's not fair to judge you and her.
now do i have a choice? nope.
i have to believe what i saw.
the pain. it's too much to bear now. i rather not talk to you anymore until i can get some peace.
you hurt me. really badly. you cant imagine how much i have cried over this. even now, i cant stop my tears from falling out my eyes. when i thought i wont cry anymore, you let me see this. why do you have to do this? you know how hard it was for me to stop crying?
you're the first person i ever loved wholeheartedly. even till now, i still do. i cant get over you just yet. but i realised i was already over for you. what happened to the times you told me you will love me forever? they were all empty promise, werent they?
you hurt me. and you will never know how hurt, pain, aching it is for me to bear all these. you're one person i will never forget. because it's all too painful to bear. and you caused it.

love? it's really designed to mess people's lives. and you did it for me.

我的天空今天真的有点灰...

2007-12-23T01:46:00.001+08:00

do i still think i have a choice?
hmm.

not really.

2007-12-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

又站在你家的门口
我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手
但我已不在你心中
我真的懂你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有陪在你身边
当你寂寞时候
别再看着我说着你爱过
别太伤痛我不难过
这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂
就让我走让我开始享受自由
回忆很多
你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞这会是我最后的宽容
抱紧我再抱紧我
这一份感动请你让我留在胸口
别再说是你的错
爱到了尽头是非对错
就让它随风忘了所有过得比你快活
不要再说或许这是最好的结果
现在分手总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手离开你左右
我向前走这会是我真正的解脱

2007-12-20T22:28:00.001+08:00

must i? must give up on you? can i choose?

today someone asked me why im playing in the alumni concert. hmm. it's a qn i asked myself before. one week to go. so it doesnt make any proper sense if i asked myself that now. but it's good being able to play clarinet after jc. when will the next chance be? oh well. back to the qn. at first i supposed she wondered why a person like me can be sitting right next to her. i mean in terms of tone, skills, rhythm blah blah. im totally a loser over there. i mean it seriously. but later i knew her qn wasnt implying things this way. she just didnt understand why i was here because i wasnt from either rv or yuhua. i pointed out that i was from pj at least and i wasnt the only one like that, but she just couldnt understand why i was there. okay even though i didnt like pj very much, i still will acknowledge myself as a pj band member. okay ex-member for now. but then, me being a pretty sensitive person. i started thinking of things this way. i dont blame her. really. but i was pretty upset. not at her, but myself. it's kind of easy to spot me in the alumni. cause half the time im lost in the music. which is very sad. i know i need to practice more. seriously. cause im not as hardworking as the rv yuhua friends so everything seems difficult. and what makes me more upset was i was throwing pj's and even worse my sec sch's face away. it's like when pple asked where you're from, they gauge the sch's standard by that. apparently im a bad gauge. one more week.
then after prac i went shopping for xmas gifts. omg. i must remind myself not to go shopping on a damn public holiday. it was a horrible decision. i hate crowds. it's an understatement. and i know they hate me too. oh well. but im left with no choice. cause time is running out! at the same time i met merlisa to get her ticket money. im broke. haha. she said meet at kfc. but i was too hungry for macs. so i waited at macs and wondered how that woman never appear. apparently i was the one who mixed up the place. haha. then went shopping. alone. lol. rare occasion! cause i cant let my friends see what im getting for them. haha. oh well shopping alone is fun. haha. because i dont have to wonder is everyone here or scare that everybody just forgot abt me and leave me behind. that's 2 plus pt for shopping alone i guess. and i can shop at my own pace. of course i enjoyed shopping with others. so long it's not a big group. it depends very much on how many pple there are. but i dont really like shopping. i only shop when i have to. or when friends called me. cause there's crowds everywhere. argh. and i hate crowds. esp those who stand in the middle of nowhere and block everyone. but there is just pple like that.

1812.
cyn wl wt came my hse to stay over. haha. before that, i met up with jessie sj jiahui after swimming with cyn wl wt. we watched enchanted.. but i still think alvin and chipmunks is a better movie. then after that i went off to meet with cyn and wl. we watched ghost ship and hairspray. haha. but i slept halfway in hairspray. haha. the next day we woke up late. and played badminton. like i said, badminton is my fav sport. haha. then they had to leave cause i had to attend wedding dinner. my cousin was getting married. but then last time i saw her was when i was in pri sch. the next time i saw her again, she was getting married. time flies, isnt it? she was pretty and the groom was a pretty boy. i mean a pretty boy cause his feature is not manly but more towards the girl's look. haha. and dinner was nice. but my fav is of course the dessert. cause it's mango pudding. i like. (:

2007-12-17T09:10:00.000+08:00

i never knew the label will work. haha.

2007-12-17T08:22:00.000+08:00

for the 78495130th time, im feeling really slacked. it's already over the college level you know. but still, argh. sigh. that's life, that's me.

oh well. hand is aching. too long never exercise. ever since that, i dont rmb i did any exercise. haha. a reason why im growing horizontally. sad. if only i can still grow vertically now. ya, ya. if only right. haha. as my hand is aching, i shall summarise everything i have to say.
went swimming with the northpole. haha. so fun. esp the sauna part. next time we shall go again! i used to swim when i was young. and that's the reason why im so chaota. i was born fair and chubby too. lol. then we had pizza for dinner and watched 200 pound beauty. that show is simply funny. i enjoyed it everytime i watched and never got tired of it.
the next day, sj jiahui jessie came to my hse. supposed to play badminton but the rain just decided to pour and pour and pour. so we watched movie instead. my all-time fav: the lion king! and little mermaid. haha. apparently jessie told us she never watched little mermaid before. so i told her, you very deprived of childhood leh. the movie is already as old as us. the movie was created in 1989. haha. so ariel is thirty four now! haha. okay actually i havent watched sleeping beauty, cinderella, snow white and aladdin before. of course i heard the stories. but i never watch the disney cartoon before. haha. after the rain, jiahui and jessie had to go. so i played with shaojian. it's been such a long time since i played badminton. long. haha. the person who breaks the chain will treat the other one. a drink. but then,

i won! lol. hehe.
after playing i asked myself. haha. what if i didnt take mr samat's suggestion, would i end up in badminton and not band? and what if i did end up in badminton, would things be different? would i still be the person i am now? haha. yes. all the what if qns. and all these qns can never be answered. haha. it's just for fun. i enjoyed being a band member. cause that's when life is not just black, white and grey.
ask me go play badminton okay! haha. my fav sport!
the last thing is the longest story but yet the simplest to summarise. three words.
i am sorry.

oh. the lion king is #2 Hollywood's 10 best cartoon! hehe. i didnt make it up myself. (: and the top is shrek. haha.

2007-12-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

home sweet home.

it feels good to be home. sometimes. not all the time. but it definitely feels good being online. cause i can watch show. and dont need to sleep my nights away. okay la. i played cards too. no loss. but no gain too. haha.
while waiting for my shows to load, i thought i would blog to pass my time. but i realised im too lazy to blog abt it. in short, i can only say it's not the most splendid holiday, but it's definitely the most unforgettable one. read between the lines. ha. think abt it this way. i finished the 2 lib books i brought along by the first night. for those who knows me well enough, haha, you shd guess how bored i am. if you dont even know, i wonder if you actually know my name.

i thought it would hurt. but it didnt. not at all. yet. i guess. it surprised me. maybe i tried hard enough to suppress all feelings. or maybe it's all over. over and over. something i hate to admit. but still, it's over.

2007-12-09T01:25:00.000+08:00

technically, in 5 hr's time i shd be on my way to genting. so now i shd be sleeping. ha. but it's quite obvious that im still not sleeping yet. DUH. okay im just being bored. it's kind of weird cause usually at this time, i'll fall asleep in front of the screen. and pple will start to nudge me to ask me to wake up. honestly, the wake up call in msn is scary. i dont know where's the function but somehow i rmb wanteng did it and it scared me lor! but of course, the desire to sleep overcome the fear of the wake up call la. haha.
oh well. im not sleepy yet. so i thought it will be good if i can blog for the one last time before i can finally let the laptop rest for 4 freaking days without me having to keep it on for hours watching shows, playing games, chatting, blah blah blah.. haha. i love having a laptop. haha. cause i get to bring it ard the hse and use. esp i can finally watch tv and surf the net at the same time. and now, i can hide in my room using com and without being scolded is the key pt here. hehe. if my parents find out that im still wide awake now, im a goner. oh well, they wont know. haha.
hmm, what do i have to say? lots. but of course im not going to blog it here. cause i dont want the whole world to know what i have in my mind. or rather i only want myself to know what i have in mind. haha. that's me. bleah. haha.
but i do have sth to say. i happened to see this entry from someone who is very... cynical, i guess. and her eng is powerful. i mean it seriously. cause her eng just gives me a vivid pic of what's happening. but then her entry is so hurting. although i dont know that person at all, but reading her entry i felt like... slapping her. [note: my vocab is limited.] cause she only cares about what she thinks and forgot abt the fact that her entry might hurt her friends. haix. maybe that's the kind of person she is, her character. no choice. so it's kind of hard for pple like me who are not her friend to understand her tone. simply, cause im not her friend. but she made another entry to clarify things. well, it sounds still the same. but it felt different somehow. i dont know. someone might know what im talking abt cause i showed them the blog. haha. i think it's over. so let the matter rest.
going to 2 am. im still wide awake.
i went with lf to see the xing guang bang! it's like my first time going for this kind of thing lor. lf, you better be honoured hor. lol. haha. jking. but it was seriously hot. short pple like me couldnt see anything besides heads, cameras, signs swinging in the air.. haha. but it was okay cause someone near me was using video cam. so i just looked at the screen as though im watching tv lor. lf took pics of them. haha. with my cam. so i got their pic too!
then we went to the lib. in hope to find the book called "a place called here" so i can overcome the sudden want for this book. but all were on loan. sad. so i borrowed other books. apparently i had this sudden urge to read. dont ask me why. i know usually i try not to read unless i really have to. but at one go, i borrowed 5 books. i wonder how many books will be left unread. haha.
now it's 2.10am.
think i will try to stare at the ceiling and figure my way into dreamland.
goodbye my laptop. goodbye blog. goodbye everything. goodbye.

i'll be back. muahahahaha. (:

2007-12-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

well, things were much the same these days. seems like things will stay the way it is for the rest of my live. i dont know what will change again. but like this line i saw,

"for change to occur, the pain of staying has to outweigh the fear of change."

this is something that i saw and what i agree with. ya. when the pain of staying is too much to handle, fear for change is nothing. like me, i fear changes. everytime some things changes, it feels so not right. tired.

when i was going home, this girl at the bus stop played her music as though everybody likes the songs. but thank goodness. the songs she played, i like. (:

北極星的眼淚--张栋梁

lyrics .
像斷了線消失人海裡面
我的眼終於失去你的臉
再等一會奢望流星會出現
願如果真的實現
愛能不能永遠
明天或許來不及變
但曾經走過的昨天越來越遠
北極星的眼淚說不出的想念
原來我們活在兩個世界
北極星的眼淚你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著愛不見

當對的人等不到對的時間
就在放開雙手的瞬間愛撕成兩邊
北極星的眼淚說不出的想念
原來我們活在兩個世界
北極星的眼淚你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著愛不見
整個宇宙都流眼淚

nobody knows who i really,
i never felt this empty before.
if i ever need someone to come along,
who's gonna comfort me and keep strong.
-bleach's ending song .

was watching too much bleach these days. (:

2007-12-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

so dense.
till today then i saw something that i shd have known eons ago.
how stupid. how slow.
but now i know, i dont know how i shd react.
and i dont know how to forget what i saw.
im such an idiot.

2007-12-03T09:46:00.000+08:00

ya im a ego person. so ignore me. as usual.

well, im really, really very, very tired. no it's true. but apparently i put it as my nick on msn. but i didnt expect people to ask. so i changed it. i'll be okay after some time. it's not important. recently i cant get enough and proper sleep. too many things are happening all at one time. of course it's not things that excite me and kept me awake. instead it's things that worries me and occupied my mind! argh. i was told that my worries were unfounded. but now i realise it came true. haha. if only i can predict my a's qns like this, then i wont be so screwed now. haha.

im talking crap. gotta go. see if today have any interesting things will happen later.

cries. muahahhaha. (:

2007-12-02T10:04:00.000+08:00

陈小春--我爱的人

it's for the video below. (:
lin you jia's singing!

我知道故事不会太曲折
我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了她的人生
成家立业之类的等等
她做了她觉得对的选择
我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢
我爱的人不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸都属于另一个人
她真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

2007-12-02T09:45:00.000+08:00

no no no. why did i have to know and see what i hate knowing? why did the things must come to me in the end? what i really hate happening, it still happened. it's terrible. it's horrible. i tried so hard to avoid things, tried so hard to ignore things. still, it happened. still, it came before my eyes. now i wish i can go blind. so i cant see the things that i hate seeing. i had enough. it's time to stop me from sinking in. i dont know why. my blueprint of my future has to change again.

2007-11-30T01:39:00.000+08:00

these are the photos from post musical evening! took it from yixin just now! thanks a million! (:

the ones i always hang out with! my bandmates aka friends!

the musart gang! (:

2007-11-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

my 200th post!

saw this on lingfang's blog. and i think he sings quite nice too. (:

2007-11-29T00:22:00.000+08:00

yesterday was cgssb's 40th anniversary. it was fanstatic. although it wasnt the best i played, it's definitely the best i gave within this short period of time. within 3 prac, that included one prac in crescent, one dress rehearsal and the concert itself. the more amazing thing was for all these different pracs, i actually played all the 1st, 2nd and 3rd part for every songs. so basically i was sightreading new scores all the time. no choice. balance was out. firstly it was 666. then 388. the last and final one i really dont even know. haha.

early in the morning, i was out already to meet shermin to buy my cam. but on my way, i realised i didnt bring my reed for the performance. PANIC! no reed=no need to perform. i called for help and thank goodness wenjun got me a new reed from crescent. but brand new reed. it killed me.
anyway i was late but she was later. cause she was out having breakfast with her parents. went to buy black pants. cause my mother accidentally gave mine to someone else and i only realised it the night before. see, being absent-minded isnt good. haha. so i bought my cam and headed to bk for lunch. met xl there. and all headed for vch. when xl and shermin was busy doing and preparing for the concert, i was lazing around and chatting away. chatting with miss azilah. she told me somehow crescent girls are not doing as well as expected in jc. haha. no choice. we were too pampered in crescent. teachers are always looking out for us. we dont even have to worry for anything. but things became different in jc. i mean new teachers, new culture and new environment. so it explains all.

cyn came and gave me a flower. (:

anyway i played rubbish on stage. i wanted to withdraw last min. but to think abt it, it's the one and only cgssb is having 40th anniversary. i dont even know if i make it to its 50th anniversary or not. so i just joined in and played. i tried to faked my way through for all the sets of running notes. cause i really cant make it. i rather not spoil the music. hopefully it wasnt too obvious. /: the concert ended off with the crescent cheer. but apparently someone spelt crescent wrongly. and ended up having an extra letter. haha. then went for supper with my fellow bandmates. xiling shermin wanteng cynthia wanling yixin. we always hang out together after band last time. all the fond memories. supper at makansutra. tried the holick dinosaur. quite nice. but too sweet. took 171 to bt panjang with cyn and a cab home from there. i was totally drained out and went to bed after changing. tired. i'll miss my fellow band mates after this performance because i dont know we will meet again. everybody is too caught up with life these days. haha.

- i think the rest of the pics are not with me. i must to get it from yixin and wanteng. and i'll miss them. ):

lots of things happened today. but im too lazy to blog abt it. basically it's just me being scolded and troubling other. as usual. nth special.

2007-11-28T23:15:00.001+08:00

it felt like another punch in the stomach. it really hurts. and the truth will never be known.
i dont know how to stop this feeling.
it felt unreal. very unreal.
keep me sane. because my mind is so confused. i cant differentiate what's real and what's pretence. not anymore.

tell me, what's real and what's not. cause i cant see it with my own eyes anymore.

2007-11-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

back to square one.
wow. it's so late but im still wide awake. that's unusual these days. not feeling tired. maybe cause i felt too tired in the morning already. oh well. im destined to be a night owl i guess. not a morning lark. lalala.

it's freaky to see what pple can do when given authority. and it's sad to see what pple choose to do to please themselves, and hurt others. heard quite a bit today. and seems like pple do notice what's going on. but things are beyond reach, so you can only stare on the side, no matter how much you want to help. as much as you know the ones are in the wrong, you cant even tell them off in the face. that kind of feeling is.. argh. so freaking irritating. and they always think that they are right. and each to his own. you die, and that's your problem. what the hell, dont they know something called teamwork? maybe it's not in their dictionary at all. haix. im just feeling sorry for my friend. for the fact that the ones failed to realize that everybody is different and just had to pick on her. why? well maybe i shd be thankful that i dont have to be there.
oh well band prac today. one word: C-O-L-D. seriously. my fingers were all so cold. and the pieces.. lots of prac for me. im so freaking behind the rest. and skills are so far far behind. when can i catch up? my eyes can follow but my fingers are more retarded. piece of shit. but then, practise makes perfect. all i can do is practise more lor. wish me luck. and i have step into pj again before getting back a's results.. so sad. i was still planning not to go back to pj if unnecessary. haha./:

i hate knowing what i know.
human beings are just curious creatures. haha. it's a line from ghost whisperer. i like this line because it makes a hell lot of sense to me..
they said it's exciting to not know what comes next in life.
i say it's scary to know what is ahead in life. because you jolly well know that there's no way to avoid. because it has to and must happen. so it's scary to predict and know one's future. no matter how much you want to help, maybe it wont work. but instead, it might just worsen situations.

2007-11-25T09:26:00.000+08:00

i FINALLY got to play my instrument again! the lovely clarinet! (: but my skills are really rusty now. sightreading yesterday. i nearly died. no stamina. i was like sitting down there like some idiot. cause half the time im lost. and i felt so tired to hold my clarinet. how can it be? just a few hours of prac, im already very drained out. so freaking tired. damn. how am i going to make it on 27? /:

saw a few of my batch people. but so many pple i nv see before. and it will feel weird to interact with them. haha.

i really love being in band! the feeling is so much different from any other activities. to play music, and interact with different kinds of people in the band. so fun. and to think i get to play clarinet. it's really a great feeling. and being in crescent band is so fun. there's so much laughter and jokes during the prac. although it's the alumni that im talking abt, the feeling is still almost the same. pple are always laughing and joking ard during prac. i miss that feeling. (:

supposed to help shermin and pam to sort out photos. but i pang-sehed them to meet my family for dinner. that's so mean of me.. and so typical. boo. oh that's this photos of the tickets for musical evening in 1997. the prices were like 6 bucks for stalls and 10 bucks for circles. OMT! the price doubled now la. oh now it's like 12 for stalls and 20 for circles. what the hell... and saw lots of old pics too. lovely. (: and good news: the tickets are all sold!!! (:

and crescent also changed quite a bit since the time i graduated. haha. there's a see-saw now! actually it was there quite long ago and i knew it. haha. and i took a pic of the instruction:

then i told wanteng,

"look at no. 2. what if the 1 person on one end is as heavy as two persons? then how?"

haha. i know it's mean. but it's a joke just for fun and laughter, peace and joy. haha. ((:

but the main pt is i had such a hard time sightreading yesterday, i cant imagine what kind of life it will be if i go for band today. OMG someone save me! actually no one can save me. cause now im as good as dead. damn.

all my weekends are taken up by band. so sad. okay la. maybe not so sad. cause i miss playing clarinet. (:

and i got another 92057502 reasons to hate knowing what i know. wow. now i really hate knowing what i know. argh.

another band prac in almost 3 hrs. all the best to myself. and i realized the two pracs are less than 24 hrs apart. /:

2007-11-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

ever since a's ended, things are very much the same everyday. for once what i look forward to wasnt what i really wanted. actually things havent been going the way i wanted it to be. so, it's simply too bad.
finally i went seoul garden. after so long. cant even rmb when was the last time i went there. i had my dearest black pepper beef. (: yummy.
went to see a proper doc. like finally. and i had acupuncture today! oh my tian. it felt scary. thinking that there's needles on my head. okay la. 3 only. felt so much better. shd have went there long ago.
took a long journey back home. hopefully i didnt open my mouth while i was sleeping on the train just now. went a haircut. think it looks slightly better. (:
if only i can cut time the way i cut my hair, i'll do it. what am i talking abt?

i want to buy camera! that is a wish, a want, a desire.
and will all wishes, wants and desires come true? hmm. maybe not. haha. (:

love 通天干探! ((:

2007-11-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

if only i agree.

yes, this is the key point. i shd have just agreed to go town instead of cck. then just to realize kbox closed down there. so ended up going home after spending 30 min in lot1. so brilliant. ya if only i agreed to go down town then..
wanted to go cut hair but ended up meeting xuan. at first i was really guilty for pang-sehing her. after that i felt better. (: tou lan is something to do if one is not in a good mood. then went roaming before i finally decided to go home and rest. so didnt get a haircut. maybe next time.
time to maple. finally d/l it and started to play. but it sucks to play alone at night. shall play next time in the afternoon.

promise is a big word. i learned it the hard way. that's why im trying my best not to use this word anymore. it's too much for one to bear if promises made are broken. there's a lot of promises that i dont know how to keep them. i want to, but just dont know how. but i jolly well know that even if now i try, i guess it will be of no use anymore. cause i dont know if it can make any difference if i do.
yea the promises that i broke, they were not meant to be like that.

suddenly it felt like someone just punched you in the stomach. it hurts. or maybe worse than a punch. and the pain wont go away. then you ask yourself what to do. the ans is,

"there's nth you can do."

2007-11-18T11:06:00.000+08:00

你最近还好吗

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜裏回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念裏挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发
有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

new song! (: like the lyrics. from one of the taiwan drama. waiting for the time i can watch. haha. damn. no mood to study already. but it's the last paper so i shall hang in there. bleah.

2007-11-17T01:02:00.001+08:00

只有傻子才会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意。